panic attacks

Nobody Cares About the Poor and the Mentally Ill People of This World

As I sit and type this, my old laptop is probably in its death throes.

I had been playing a stupid browser game, and it got slow and laggy and I noticed that the laptop’s monitor started sort of flashing — and it looks as if there is a semi transparent double image of what’s on the screen that shifts a bit, sort of blinking.  It’s hard to describe.  I’ve tried various ways to fix this and nothing has helped.

Seems like a minor annoyance, right?  Shit, something broke — guess I better get it repaired, or buy a new one.  Except that when you’re living in poverty, EVERY seemingly minor mishap becomes a huge, horrible crisis, because you don’t have the money to deal with said mishap.  And dealing with crisis over crisis really, really can wear a person down, and seriously affect their mental health, especially if they’re already dealing with mental and emotional problems.

I’m tired of being ignored and brushed aside because I am afflicted with anxiety, depression, and PTSD.  I’m fucking tired of being told to look on the bright side and to stop focusing on negativity.  Nobody wants to give a fuck about people with mental issues unless they make some sort of recovery, or overcome some sort of obstacles despite their illness & the hardships that come with it.  Or if they make their story into something cute and funny like Hyperbole and a Half.  So, unless someone’s struggles have a happy ending, the general public doesn’t want to acknowledge those people suffering, at all.  If they acknowledge you at all, it’s to point out that it’s all your fault somehow, and/or that you’re not trying hard enough.

I think a friend of mine said it best —

“We don’t do mental health in the US. I mean, not just that we don’t do it right, we really don’t do it at all.”

And she’s right.  It makes me angry — so fucking angry.

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Today Has Been Canceled, But Here, Have Some Art [Redux]

Here are the student artworks I would have matted today for an upcoming show at my school — if it had not been for my anxiety.

For what it’s worth, I’m going to post a preview of those works.  All of these were completed in my Independent Study illustration course (which I created myself) in the Fall 2014 (and my final) semester. I don’t have really great pictures of the non-digital ones, unfortunately — some haven’t been scanned yet for higher-res images, and one is too big to scan anyway.  Add a potato quality camera phone, and… well, they won’t look as good as they will in person.  Eh, I guess most art is like that anyway, right?

Posted in the chronological order in which they were created.

Project #1: Photo reproduction combining 2 artworks and/or photos

project 1 finished

‘The Ritual’ 22.5 in. X 36 in. Marker, and Prismacolor pencils on bristol paper; approx. 34 hours. Tough to get a decent picture of this because of its size.

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