It has been a crazy week full of ups & downs, but my big news is that I was FINALLY able to purchase a (refurbished) laptop, which means I can finally devote more time to getting down with some art that requires some heavy-duty computer processing power.
Except that I don’t have a lot of time at the moment — my big move to the west coast is only about 5 weeks away. Between now and then, I still have a TON of stuff to do.
As I sit and type this, my old laptop is probably in its death throes.
I had been playing a stupid browser game, and it got slow and laggy and I noticed that the laptop’s monitor started sort of flashing — and it looks as if there is a semi transparent double image of what’s on the screen that shifts a bit, sort of blinking. It’s hard to describe. I’ve tried various ways to fix this and nothing has helped.
Seems like a minor annoyance, right? Shit, something broke — guess I better get it repaired, or buy a new one. Except that when you’re living in poverty, EVERY seemingly minor mishap becomes a huge, horrible crisis, because you don’t have the money to deal with said mishap. And dealing with crisis over crisis really, really can wear a person down, and seriously affect their mental health, especially if they’re already dealing with mental and emotional problems.
I’m tired of being ignored and brushed aside because I am afflicted with anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I’m fucking tired of being told to look on the bright side and to stop focusing on negativity. Nobody wants to give a fuck about people with mental issues unless they make some sort of recovery, or overcome some sort of obstacles despite their illness & the hardships that come with it. Or if they make their story into something cute and funny like Hyperbole and a Half. So, unless someone’s struggles have a happy ending, the general public doesn’t want to acknowledge those people suffering, at all. If they acknowledge you at all, it’s to point out that it’s all your fault somehow, and/or that you’re not trying hard enough.
I think a friend of mine said it best —
“We don’t do mental health in the US. I mean, not just that we don’t do it right, we really don’t do it at all.”
And she’s right. It makes me angry — so fucking angry.
I had some stuff to do today, but I canceled most of those plans.
I finally made it to school to work on matting my Slaughterhouse-Five-themed artworks for the upcoming Student Arts Showcase. Mentally/emotionally, it was not easy for me to be there. But at least I have something to show for it now. I’ll have to go back later in the week to mat my digital self-portraits to foamcore because they’re too large to be matted with the materials we have.
Moving forward, although slowly, with the packing. Now I’m focusing more on clothes, which I will be shipping to my new home via Amtrak freight.
You guys, I never thought I’d say this, but… I think I have too many socks.
Here are the student artworks I would have matted today for an upcoming show at my school — if it had not been for my anxiety.
For what it’s worth, I’m going to post a preview of those works. All of these were completed in my Independent Study illustration course (which I created myself) in the Fall 2014 (and my final) semester. I don’t have really great pictures of the non-digital ones, unfortunately — some haven’t been scanned yet for higher-res images, and one is too big to scan anyway. Add a potato quality camera phone, and… well, they won’t look as good as they will in person. Eh, I guess most art is like that anyway, right?
Posted in the chronological order in which they were created.
Project #1: Photo reproduction combining 2 artworks and/or photos
‘The Ritual’ 22.5 in. X 36 in. Marker, and Prismacolor pencils on bristol paper; approx. 34 hours. Tough to get a decent picture of this because of its size.
It has been a trying day.
I think I pretty much have the book-packing under control. I’m shipping off the books I want to keep box by box (the rest are being sold on Ebay and/or via tag sale); some of my more treasured books (autographed copies, etc.) will be traveling with me.
My next plan of action has been to go through my closet and get serious about sorting out my clothes — what to keep, what to donate, what to throw away. Of the clothes I am keeping, I wanted to also sort out the bare minimum of what I want to keep here, and what I will be shipping out west.
The weather is FINALLY getting nicer in New England, which is making it easier for me to work toward my goal of getting more physically active. Today was a beautiful day for a walk. This was my first visit to the canal trail since last year.
Hardly anything is green yet, but I’m not complaining.
Old tobacco barns in the distance. One of the landmarks I’ll miss about moving out of CT.